WORDS FROM FATHER YOHANES: Returning to the Center of Our Being

By Father Yohanes Akoit

Gabriel Marcel once says in his book, Being and Having, that there is a condition in which we can experience what he calls Indisponibilité: the existential state in which a person loses presence to himself. He becomes absorbed by functions, social roles, and external demands. He lives and moves not from the center of his own being; instead, his existence is shaped by what comes from outside.

Take the example of a priest: He has to think and find the best way to apply the many programs from the diocese in his parish and gain the participation of the parishioners; he also has to be available in many activities and sacramental services in his church; answer all the letters and emails; prepare his reflections for weekdays, Sundays, and particular occasions throughout the month; offer counseling for those who truly need it; work on certain aspects of his life as part of his ongoing formation; give time to his family and attend to many other responsibilities. In all of this, he is just one person, yet his conscience and heart seem to be present everywhere. Half of his life is spent looking back, thinking about how to improve his limitations, and the other half is spent looking ahead. Only a small portion remains in the present moment. According to Marcel, this is why people may be physically present in a particular place, yet their mind is wandering elsewhere. This happens to each of us with our many schedules and responsibilities. This phenomenon is called Indisponibilité.

According to Marcel, the only way to address the problem of Indisponibilité is to enter moments of silence and meditation. To withdraw or to be silent is not an escape from reality, but a grace-filled pause that stops the gravitational pull and magnetic force of responsibilities that draw our inner soul away from our physical presence. We need a space where our life; mind, heart, soul, and body, is centered in one locus, that is our being and existence. The power of silence and meditation help us no longer be controlled by our work, but instead allows us to bring our whole self into our work.

Long before Marcel developed this way of thinking, Jesus had already lived it in His ministry. We often find this pattern in the Bible: Jesus would withdraw to a lonely place for a time before He acted and served. The Gospel reading of the Eighteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time gives us one such example. It tells us that before Jesus fed twelve thousand people, He first withdrew to a lonely place and then performed the miracle (Matthew 14:13-21). This scene shows that Jesus understands the need for meditation with God. He does not run away from reality but unites His whole self with His mission. And the result of combining meditation with ministry is the performance of a tremendous miracle. Jesus feeds five thousand men with five loaves and two fishes.

Learning from the inspiration above, let us try to apply it in our own lives. We need to find moments of silence before God, asking His help to unite our whole life and free us from the tendency toward a divided self. One meaningful way to enter silence and meditation is through holy adoration. There, for a time, we allow the magnetic force of our responsibilities and burdens to loosen its grip. There is no need to give immediate responses to every demand, not because they are unimportant, but because we need to integrate our hole self in to bring our whole self into our work.

Father Yohanes Akoit is pastor of St. Julian and St. Anthony Catholic churches in Kentucky.